I would like to introduce the first family that I was able to place children with.  The Sampson family started their adoption journey with our Saint Cloud office in December of 2008.  Lorri and Rob were able to have one child in 2005, a son named Tristan.  They had always wanted a bigger family and when Lorri was informed that natural child birth would not be an option for her, their family began to explore adoption.  The family initially wanted to move slowly towards one child joining the family, but Tianna and Nick had other plans for them.  Once I found this sibling unit, I knew they belonged with the Sampson family.  Was it easy?  These children were covered under the Indian Child Welfare Act and while Lorri believed she had Native American ancestors, she had no other information.  Lorri worked diligently for two weeks tracking down her ancestry and was able to identify a tribe.  They were qualified to send in their home study, but would the children’s worker feel this was the right home as strongly as I did?  The family went through the interview process, watched the children’s video and shared lots of laughs and tears as they waited for the decision to be made.  I was so excited once I received that call that the children were going to become members of the Sampson family.  Calling to notify the family was a great moment to share with them.  Nick and Tianna immediately took to the Samson family and the transition was very smooth.  The Sampson family has even opened their hearts and home to the children’s older brother and he has an open invitation to visit the family.  Nick loves having an older brother to look up to and emulate.  Tianna also loves having an older brother, but she enjoys pestering him.  This family is thriving and remains in contact with the office. Here is the photograph of the family when the children were placed with them on 9/2/09.

Written by: Jennifer Keena, Downey Side Saint Cloud Family Life Center

Downey Side had it’s 7th Annual Gala event on May 27, 2010. It was a success! Thanks to Sr. Liz Engel, Kate Gioglio and the New Jersey Executive Committee, the Gala turned out to be a beautiful event. Downey Side was able to raise more than $20,000 for our mission.

We would like to thank everyone who came out to this event and helped make it into a success.  As well as all of the individuals who donated gifts to us for our silent auction.  We look forward to next year’s event!

Tim Lettal, and his brother David were adopted through Downey Side in 2008 through our Bay Shore, Long Island Office. We are pleased that Tim wanted to write for our blog on his perspective of the Foster Care system.

The bad part of foster care.
The part that most likely got me into foster care was probably because I lived in a dirty house. The worst part of living in foster care was that the people you lived with were complete strangers to you. Lots of times, you forget who you are and why you came there, also there could be good and super good times. When I was in foster care I got yelled at a lot and I always started crying and then I would go to “my room” and stay there. But then, I would stop and move on. When the good times came around, I actually enjoyed them and they really helped. Even though those days are long gone, I still remember when I got yelled at, and beaten up but, I’m over that and it is long gone.

The good part of foster care.
I met this lady named Theresa and she let me shop with her, do basically what I want. One time I had this birthday party and I wanted to invite some people but only three out of who knows I invited showed up, but that was okay. When I went to an appointment one time, I showed the consular a picture of my family and then she said very nice than she wanted to speak to Theresa privately and when the social worker from CPS came I knew my life would change again and you know what I blame that worker for what happened, and if I see her again I will remind her of what happened that day. I knew from than on I would be a foster kid forever… I was wrong, I will tell you about that later.

A couple of weeks ago we received a telephone inquiry from someone hoping to adopt a child. This person informed us that she wanted to adopt a child, however she didn’t want a child who had any issues… she wanted to adopt the perfect child. Anyone seeking the “perfect” child may be searching forever, because the perfect child does not exist.

It is important for us to remember that children who have been through the foster care system will have trust issues, as the result of several people who have hurt them in the past. Unfortunately they have to grow up a little faster than most children their age.
Older children, whether biological, or adopted go through changes. It’s what some may call the “coming of age” period. Acting out, not listening, and having tantrums are familiar behaviors that everyone experiences.

Families interested in adopting an older child should understand that a child may come with their own issues. We have to all understand that everyone has flaws. Instead of seeking perfection, we should look in the mirror, and remember some of the things that we did ourselves as children. Every child deserves a permanent home, how about we give these children a chance.

- Kimberly K. Frink, Mother of 2
Downey Side Inc., Manager of Communications

We are pleased to announce that one of our workers from our Bronx Family Life Center, Anna McNamara, is featured on www.adoptuskids.org, as Caseworker of the Month.

Anna McNamara
Bronx, New York
Anna McNamara, state program manager at Downey Side Families for Youth in New York, is our March Caseworker of the Month. She played an instrumental role in helping a single father with a complicated interstate adoption.

Reinier Prijtenof New York City, who nominated McNamara for the award, had to take a job overseas in the middle of the adoption process.

“It was a very stressful situation, and without Anna it would have made life a lot more complicated,” Prijten said.

Prijten found his son Devin, who was 13 and living in Texas, through AdoptUsKids. Up to that point, he had worked solely with the New York Council on Adoptable Children, which specialized in adoptions for children in the New York City foster care system. The agency referred McNamara to his case so she could assist with the interstate adoption process.

“I got a call from Anna at Downey Side who told me she adopted a child from Texas as well,” Prijten said. “’Texas?’ I replied! I did not know that Devin was from Texas.”

Prijten said he was so consumed by the profiles of all the waiting children on AdoptUsKids he didn’t take note of where Devin lived. All that registered was Devin was the right kid for him.

“What followed was a complicated and time consuming out-of-state adoption process with many ups and downs,” Prijten said.
McNamara said the first time she met with Prijten she could tell he was nervous about the adoption and that he sincerely cared about what happened to Devin.

“Adoption only works when parents are 100 percent committed to their child, and I saw that commitment in Reinier,” McNamara said. “What a wonderful guy. I wish I had 10 of him. He’s just a terrific dad who is so loving and caring.”

Even when Prijten lost his job in banking due to the economic downturn, his first concern was Devin. The adoption still hadn’t been finalized, and one of the only job prospects he could find was in Europe. Prijten wasn’t keen on the idea of leaving New York, but said McNamara helped with what could have been a horrendous process.

“Aside from being a very practical help, she always puts in a tremendous amount of effort,” Prijten said. “She was able to make a list of things to do a little shorter.”

McNamara said interstate adoptions don’t have to be difficult, and it just comes down to knowing what paperwork has to be done and making sure it’s done correctly.

“It’s a little pain in the neck, but it’s definitely worth it,” McNamara said. “To me, there is nothing more rewarding than seeing trust and hope come back into the eyes of a child who has lost their family and faith in life. Giving them back some of their childhood and knowing that I helped achieve that is the best part of my job.”

Prijten and his son Devin are now back in New York and remain in contact with McNamara.

“I called on her several times post adoption seeking help with a situation at home and she delivered. Being a single inexperienced young parent, it was extremely helpful to have someone walk me through this transition” Prijten said.

As for being nominated AdoptUsKids’ caseworker of the month, McNamara took it more as an honor for Downey Side than herself.

“We’re a nonprofit and we’ve been hit hard with the economy to the point where I’ve had to take a pay cut to prevent layoffs. So this nomination means a lot to us,” McNamara said.

The nomination letter
As I was browsing through the various Internet sites to find a child that matched the profile of my home study, I saw Devin and chose him out of many others. A few days later I got a call from Anna at Downey Side who told me she adopted a child from Texas as well.

“Texas?” I replied! I did not know that Devin was from Texas! I have never been to Texas. I thought it was New York. I guess I should have looked at the address.”

What followed was a complicated and time consuming out-of-state adoption process with many ups and downs. I had to move overseas in the middle of it all due to my job, and at the very last moment the judge in New York did not want to take the case.

Anna McNamara is the sate program manager with Downey Side in New York. She is an adoptive mother herself and has been an enormous resource to our family both during and after the adoption process. She truly committed to her promise that she would always be there to help me out after the adoption was finalized. I called on her several times post adoption seeking her help with a situation at home and she delivered. Once she drove to our home after a very long day out of state. Instead spending the evening with her husband and son, she extended her long day and came to our home to assist.

Anna has always been a great support in that process but also post adoption which is as important. Without her help and advice, we would not have been able to complete the process and give Devin a permanent home.

Reinier Prijten
New York, New York

Older children have the hardest time within the foster care system. Although many children hope to one day be adopted, many also know that they will probably age out of the system. Why is this? Why is it that families would prefer to adopt an infant, rather than adopting an older child? Many myths include that the child has too many issues, has a “bad” reputation, or is hard to get along with. Many people fail to realize that many of the issues that older children face in the foster care system, are in many cases the same issues that biological born children deal with. Teenagers will be teenagers, and will go through similar obstacles throughout life. It is not a “foster care syndrome”, it is simply called going through puberty and adolescence.

Because of the rejection that older children face, they are more likely to lash out and disengage themselves from others. We have witnessed many cases where we have a loving family hoping to adopt a selective child, and that child will completely “act out” and disrupt the placement. Possibly because the child is accustomed to rejection, they can not handle the idea of finding a loving family and a permanent place to live.

Downey Side’s sole purpose is to advocate for children and educate families of the various misjudgments that many people may have about children in the foster care system. An older child in the foster care system still has the same value of an infant in the foster care system. They are both indeed worthy of being adopted by a loving family.

Kimberly K. Frink
Director of Communications
Downey Side Inc., Mission Office

Imagine your landlord knocking on your door in the middle of the night, and telling you that you had to leave the premises now. You also had to take all of your belongings with you when you left. Chances are that this will not happen to you because there are several laws protecting a tenant’s rights. But this scenario happens to thousands of homeless children throughout the country each day. In many cases, children are moved from home to home, never having the stability of love or permanency.

There are over 500,000 waiting homeless children in America. This is a big problem that the government has tried to tackle for many years. Unfortunately, there are not 500,000 families waiting to adopt these children. Older children are looked over by many families seeking to adopt, simply because a family may want to adopt a newborn child- instead of someone older. Rejection, depression, and regression are just a few of the feelings that older homeless children feel.

As a not-for-profit adoption agency, it is Downey Side’s mission to advocate for these youth. We must realize that children should be just that- children. It is unfair that many children have to deal with adult issues, which lead to many disorders and not being able to grow maturely within society. Every child has the right to a permanent family, but statistics show that this is not the outcome. Children age out of the system at the age of 18. It is at 18 years old that they are no longer looking for a family, but now are forced to look for a job- to try to survive.

-Kimberly K. Frink
Director of Communications,
Downey Side Inc.

In memory of Michael Hydiacheck 1965-1990

Isaiah 58:7-7
“The kind of fasting I want is this; remove the chains of oppression and the yoke of injustice, and let the oppressed go free. Share your food with the hungry and open your homes to the homeless poor.”

Over the next several weeks many cultures focus on key-events in their religious calendars. Christians and Jews especially at this time, who observe Both Easter and Passover. Downey Side is especially sensitive to Isaiah’s words “open your homes to the homeless poor” or as we are found saying, “waiting American children.”

The exact number is constantly changing and unfortunately always on the rise. The number which is always around the half-million mark in our country would not seem that difficult to close the gap, given the millions of Americans who are above the poverty level. Isaiah suggests the kind of fasting that is suggested closes in on multiple issues; oppressed people, injustice, the hungry, the poor, and the homeless, can all apply to waiting American children. The social tragedy does not end there. Many of these beautiful children have become hostages in our government system, locking them in as wards of the state. With endless insurance policies, endless service people, most of who never lay eyes on them, not to mention the monies spent in endless court appearances. There are many handlers bureaucratically getting paid for a variety of services, however once the child finds an adoptive family, the child moves out of the category that pays for multiple services. It certainly challenges those who created such a system knowing that the system will tend to keep them from being adopted.

Before government became involved with homeless children, the local church groups would announce to their parishioners that homeless youth were in the back of the church, and were looking for a family to adopt them. I am not suggesting to return to that system, but it does concern me that the incentives that were created to help children find a family, often prolongs them in the foster care system and away from being adopted!

-Father Paul Engel, OFM Cap
Mission Director

Many children enter into the foster care system because of neglect or abuse within their immediate homes. There is one case in particular that comes to mind. A child that we’ll call Johnny was born to a woman who was not doing too well. Like most children, Johnny entered care due to neglect rather from abuse. He was seven when his school reported that he’d missed far too many days of classes. It turned out that he was left unsupervised for as much as a week at a time! Johnny was also responsible for his three-year-old sister, whose name was Elda.

When social workers found out what was happening, they removed Johnny and Elda from the home. This was just the beginning of being raised by the government- a plan that has new risks. Over the course of several years, the children were placed in about 7 different foster homes and returned to their biological mother 4 times. By the time Johnny was ten, he was an angry little boy. This was a healthy reaction to a bad situation. He was later labeled as having “ODD” (a psychiatric name for a child who is acting up). It was because of this that he was eventually separated from his sister.

Several years later, both Johnny and Elda were placed into different adoptive homes. Johnny’s adoption disrupted. Somehow the family that adopted Elda tracked him down and advocated successfully for their reunion. They were both adopted by this family!

This case has a successful ending because there are mature, committed adults who care for the children. There are many families who can and are doing this. There are, of course, many children who are waiting for their happy ending. To learn more about adoption, or how you can become an adoptive parent, please visit http://www.downeyside.org

Transracial adoption is the joining of racially different parents and children within adoptive families. This topic is one of the most controversial issues in adoption. Many people are opposed to transracial adoption, because they feel that it affects identity development.

With more than 50% of minority children in foster care, one would think that it would not matter if the adoptive parent was of a different race. It would provide a home for a child who may otherwise linger within the foster care system until he/ she “ages out” of the system. It’s a balancing act for sure.

In 1994, transracial adoption was the subject of a bill before Congress submitted by Senator Howard Metzenbaum of Ohio. After intense debate, the Multiethnic Placement Act (MEPA) passed both houses of Congress. The important point that was reached and agreed upon is that adults of all ethnic cultures need to work together to help children of all racial backgrounds find permanent families.

Here at Downey Side, we educate all of our families who are seeking children of another race or culture. Families go through detailed training on how to handle selective issues that may arise. Although racial identification is a major part of a child’s life, families can help educate the child with positive images and role models. Parents may also celebrate all cultures, visit museums and other ethnic functions, and have an open discussion about race and culture.

Current statistics show that the number of transracial adoptions has increased throughout the years. Adopting a child is a heart warming and rewarding experience. A child would much rather have a permanent home and a loving family, no matter what race that loving family is. However, we truly believe there are enough African-American families for children in need.